Friday, December 12, 2014

What is Rape?

We are angels
Fallen from the skies
Weakened by our deed
Ruined by our greed

Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration initiated against one or other individuals without consent. That’s what Wikipedia tells me.

Is it just that or something much more? I’ll break it into something more fundamental, what provokes rape? Why would someone rape? For sexual pleasure? There are dozens of other ways to get that without forcing someone.

Some wise men said that when you cannot find the answer, you are probably not looking at the question close enough. The answers are at times hidden in the most fundamental part of the problem and this is what I think is happening with rape in India. I don’t know how it is in the world, I haven’t been to anyplace else. But for here, I have a version, an explanation.  

I’ll share an incident from my gym. Picture this.

A teenager walks into the gym. He is probably 14 and is dressed in simple clothes, something that any usual guy would prefer, loose batman t, gym pants, and sneakers. He is thin, actually very thin and is probably teased by titles like hanger, matchstick and so on, something like it was with me. He needs exercise and it’s a great idea to add some mass by lifting weights. Everybody wants to look good after all.

“Naya hai?” a bulky regular gym guy walks to him and asks.

This guy is the usual one that you’d find in possibly every gym. He is a self proclaimed stud with huge biceps and strategically placed tattoos only on forearm and neck.

“Ha,” our thin teenager answered.

Within a matter of seconds, the conversation jumped to if he has a girlfriend to if he has ever fucked a girl.

“Li hai kabhi kisi ki?” another huge guy joins.

I was running on the treadmill nearby. I wanted to walk into the conversation and get into a fight. It happens with me a lot. Over the time, I’ve realized no one cares. This time, I wanted to see what happens if I don’t jump into the moralities of it and just be there to witness things unfold.

Our thin teenager was actually smiling. He didn’t know how to react. To him, these studs were possibly something he wanted to become. This was his version of coolness. He loved the idea of looking like them, being ‘cool’ like them, which brings me to my school days when I had to go through such experiences too.

Believe me, it’s actually tough being a boy, especially in schooling days. Growing up, we realize that getting attracted to girls is natural and we need to do something about it. Good seniors know nothing about it. Bad seniors tell us that girls also have needs, but they cannot express it in public.

“Kabhi-kabhi zor zabardasti karni padti hai, woh sirf naatak karti hain. Unhe bhi chahiye hota hai,” I was once told by a senior.

These were the times when I was being told about how to score, but for other times, situation was much worse.

“Ye ladko ke saath hi ghumti hai. Aisi ke saath toh hona hi chahiye,”

“Bas ek baar mil jaaye yaar kaise bhi,”

(I’m sorry I know this is raw, but nobody talks about it.)

The guys we grow up watching use these lines loosely. They throw it at every crossroad. I believe it’s difficult to choose for a guy what to believe in.

I know having sexual thoughts or getting attracted to someone is amazing. Humans are engineered that way. But is it really just that?               
  
I know that I am no one and the problem is huge. Still I’d like to redefine rape. It’s not just the act. I believe that it’s the crime that society draws upon women. It starts days and months in advance from the actual forced intercourse. It’s hidden in the words we speak, psychical outcomes naturally follow. Chinese put it in a beautiful proverb

“Watch your thoughts they become your words. Watch your words they become your action. Watch your actions they become your character.”  

I believe that if you think about it a thousand times, even remotely unconsciously, chances are probably that you’ll do it. The scarcity of true idols growing up is unfortunate.   

Open letter to all boys growing up in men

A girl is beautiful. Find a calm spot and take out time to see what I mean. Watch her walking lost in her thoughts. Watch her reading a book or purchasing grocery somewhere. She’ll look the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.

She is beautiful, but she’s not a thing. She has thoughts and choices just like you do. It’s okay if she is smoking or sitting alone. She is allowed to do that, because her parents told her to follow her will. 
May be she is rude or arrogant. Probably it’s just her defense shield guarding her against tones of people who look at her as a thing.

If you want to impress her, make sure that you’re worth it. Look good, workout, she loves it, but she doesn’t want a bodyguard. Read, she loves depth, but she doesn’t need a bookworm either. And there’s no need for tattoos or biker jackets. Just keep your soul in place.  

Go talk to her. Tell her that you like her. She might reject you, but take pride in walking to her. It’s okay if she doesn’t like you. Probably she has dreams to follow, may be you are just not her type. There’s no shame in that.

You want to have sex with her? Talk about it. She will, if she trusts you at a point and if you’re worth it. It will be the greatest honor of your life, but not the one you can showcase. It’s not something that you can share with your friends. Plus, tell her if you do not plan to marry her. It’s okay, probably she thinks the same.

She is a mystery. A beautiful one, handled with care and respect no matter what she does or how she behaves. It’s none of your business.

Above all, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.   


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Mom You’ll Always Be Around



‘Moving’-A small six letter word but evokes a dozen different emotions, and all at once. It brings the excitement of going to a new place, the fun of meeting new people, it also has the curiosity of learning new things and somewhere it has the pain of leaving things behind. Things that you have known for long enough and some people who just don’t seem to get out of the head. It’s difficult to say for all but for a majority, we never grow big enough, mature enough not to miss mom. In fact in a new country, she’s the one who can help beat the blues and get along with the people. From the universal mom’s diary, following 5 lessons may be handy in settling at a new place.

  • Listen from your heart

Expectations of the boyfriend, attitude of co-workers, weather, money, the lady residing down the road, the black dog, crops this year and god knows what, we all have something to say about everything. Most of us want to be listened or more importantly to be understood. It doesn’t matter where you are coming from or where you are going, listen to what people have to say, show that you really want to know about it. If someone likes fishing, you do not have to be an expert to talk on the topic. Ask questions, let them do the talking.


  • Do not judge

Amongst all the lessons moms teach in the childhood, respecting others beliefs, religion and customs is usually somewhere at the top of the list. As an expat, you may find some of the things a little awkward, obviously they are a lot different from the place you are coming but be open to things. No one is telling you to agree or believe but you do not have to disagree or judge too.


  •   Learn to say no

Just because you are in a new place, does not mean you have to try 24 × 7 to fit in. It is completely okay to be a little closed to experiences at times. The emotional pressure can really take a toll on body and brain, so take out some time and do things that provide YOU the happiness. Exercise, walk, meditate, eat or simply sit down.


  •  Know what you feel

Being sad at times is not a bad thing. You may, or rather will, miss things back home, thinking about what the dog might be doing, how mother would have prepared the supper tonight. It would also fetch the usual emptiness but just like happiness, this is also another feeling, a feeling that is good to experience some times, remember that only some times.


  • Share with others

As much as you are curious about the new place, the new place is curious about you too. People want to listen about where you come from. They want to know what you like to eat, what’s famous in your town and what drinks are drunk back at your home. Share your experiences, your food and your jokes to strike a chord with them.   

Monday, December 24, 2012

Scribble 5



Why there are voices in my head
Contrasting to what I get
Grow up, grow they say
You have to find your way
If you haven’t started yet
How far will you get
What if you reach nowhere?
What if you are too late to be there?

The voices are just too smart
I don’t think they even have a heart
They say these are the ways of world
You have to run run and run
They command not to look back
They insist it’s just too dark
They say there is a lot to fear
I say I don’t care

I tell them that I can see mum back there
They ask how will she get here
Mirages are not for real
Shut the fuck up and get over the ordeal

I sigh that I have no one
They question the need for someone
They insist it’s not a usual journey
It’s over friends, family, luxuries and money

I whisper am I mad
I ask if I am mad
I shout if I am mad
I scream if I am mad
But the voices just don’t come back



Monday, November 26, 2012

Scribble 3




I am in slippers, I am in shorts
Who cares I am with friends
People are laughing looking at us
Who cares I am with friends
I don't have to do my hair
I don't need to need to impress
I am laughing like an idiot
I am drunk like hell
I don't feel scared anymore
I have to pretend no more
Some idiot thinks I am useless?
Who cares I am with friends
My ex didn't look back
Who cares I am with friends
I eat, drink, buy, text, walk, think, talk and breathe the way I want
Don't bother me I am with friends



Monday, October 1, 2012

5 Ways Slow Internet Connection Can Help You


For a guy, whose life depends on internet (being a freelance writer and all), last few days of the month can be really frustrating. My unlimited internet plan, which sheds the speed dramatically crossing the 10 GB mark,  is usually that way for the last two or three days. The pack renews on 1 st of every month leaving me to deal with the creepy connection. Although I vow every end of the month to download lesser software, songs and games, it’s the same story every time. This time though I discovered how slow internet connection can be fun in some ways.

1.     Rationing on Surfing

My surfing craving is more of an addiction. While researching for articles and write-ups, I wander offshore clicking on almost everything that looks cool. 7 Greatest Movie Mistakes, How to Get Washboard Abs in 10 Days, Curiosity Found Water on Mars and god knows what. It’s like a chain reaction leading to so many tabs that I have to pull myself back into researching. However with a slow internet connection, pages load for eternity especially with media files. So what do I do? I stick to studying content while waiting for other page to load.


2.     Chores and Other Stuff



Fast internet connections are like salesmen. They’ll sell you things you might never need and by selling here, I mean downloading. Stupid Animal Who Imitates His Parent, One Finger Pushups and other videos of the sort. I even have 15 themes for my browser. But, but, but a slow connection gives me hours to complete a download. I can clean my room, make something to eat or even take doggie for a walk with chances that it’ll still be downloading.

3.     Increases Productivity


With lesser things in mind, you actually concentrate on the task in hand. No need to view latest gadgets, price of a new motorbike and good looking girls (that is frustrating still) for some days. Slow internet connections allow you to prioritize what’s importance and you actually end up doing more of work.  Well it looks exaggerated on the paper but I counted the number of files completed each day which were at least 25% better than a usual day.

4.     Inner Peace



No more getting jealous of a friend’s holiday in London or get together of your colleagues. You can’t load albums no matter how desperately you want to. Just sit back relax, read a book, spend some time with the family and analyze where life is going and what your plans are. It even allows you to meet some Real TIME friends in the city, which is far better than chatting in a room.

5.     Saving


Every end of month I complain about slow connection and my mother wants me to change the plan with free data limit. It’s actually a good idea but I am lazy enough to go and apply for it. So what do I do? I rather deal with it and stay happy with my bills (compared to my friends). I realize that I use just 50 or may be 60% of the data limit for work and the other large chunk goes in entertainment. Although THAT is necessary too, I would rather be entertained in first 25 days and be this way for the last 5.

P.S. (Why? It’s cool to have one)
Internet packs are like food. Order just a bit lesser than what would be sufficient, else you would end up bloating in some day (only mentally in this case).             

Friday, July 20, 2012

Some Diary



Dear Page No. 79

I certainly don’t know you and I don’t know whether you like me or not but the fact is that I have spent too much time looking around for people who would listen to me. Listen to me not because they think I am losing it, listen to me not because they owe me something or listen to me not because they think I need to let it out. I just want someone to listen just to know what I feel like inside.

You seem like the only guy who would listen to me without asking questions, without telling what should I do and how I can get over this. 79 have you ever been in love? Haha what a silly question. What would you love? Page number 78 or the printed lines or maybe you can fall in love with this ink. Let me suggest you something, don’t ever do that.

You know the best part of talking to you 79? You won’t even ask me why and you won’t tell my secrets to anyone too. Will you? You know 79; it has been over 7 years since I last saw her. You know those rains? The water coming from skies, have you ever seen that? Ya, I met her last time in rains. It was beautiful, not because it was raining but because of the fact that it was looking the way I was feeling. A little weepy, a little breezy, a little greeny and a lot cold. You know what she said? She said ‘Don’t measure the time we spent in years do it in seconds, we had our time but life doesn't stop’.

Wasn't that lame 79? Measure in seconds, I don’t know what seconds, crappy thing, crappy lines. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. What she said was pretty good, deep indeed. Buy what do I do? I have thought of a million reasons to hate her. Like maybe she had an affair with someone, maybe she wanted someone richer, maybe she wanted some better looking or maybe she was never serious.

But what do I do with those eyes 79? Those big black eyes, every time I try to hate her, the large vacuum, the emptiness, the nothingness of her eyes flash to me. Her eyes say that she wanted me to stay, they say it was real. Was it? I don’t know, maybe it was a dream that I am mistaking to be true. Can’t get it out of my head after the sleep.

You know my friends say that I should start dating someone. What do you think? Life moves on? It does? Why is it not happening then? Parents sent me to a psychiatrist this weekend. He says I should engage in interactions, make new friends. That’s why came to you 79. You know, you are a good friend but it’s the last line we are left with.

79 we had our time, don’t measure our friendship in lines count seconds we spent together.

Truly Yours








   


Notification

Hi guys and girls, I am renaming my Girl in Red and Guy in Black. Well maybe will use just their new names which I think will be more flexible to write with. I'll call them Zac and Zoe....zac is our guy and zoe the girl.